Remember all those Prince Charming fantasies we were fed from Disney movie after Disney movie when we were just innocent, precious, impressionable five year old girls sitting, mouths agape, in front of the TV? Remember the silky dark hair that always perfectly framed his classic-ly handsome face? Remember his sparkling white smile and chiseled chin? Remember his tall, muscular stature? Remember how he’d heroic-ly ride in on a horse and defeat ten or twenty monsters before swinging the damsel in distress onto the back of his horse and riding off into the sunset of happily ever after? That, ladies, is what we are conditioned to look for in a boyfriend. I’m here to tell you to scratch all of those ideals: every single one of them. My life experience has taught me that I, in fact, need very, very different qualities in a boyfriend that will, believe it or not, lead to a much more satisfying relationship than a perfect pectorals and inhuman strength.
1. I need a boyfriend who is ok with the fact that during a large portion of the time he spends with me, I will be, as Drake would say, “sweatpants, hair tied, chillin’ with no makeup on.” The fact of the matter is, I live a busy life. Between classes, my job, internships, volunteer activities, spending time with my friends, hitting the gym, and doing homework, I do not have time to make sure I look “pretty” every time my boyfriend wants to hang out. Don’t get me wrong: I put time into my appearance. And, to put modesty aside, when I do, I look damn good. But, I shouldn’t have to every time I’m around my boyfriend. I want to be able to relax, do homework, watch a movie, and just enjoy being with him. And, if he’s with me for the right reasons, he should be ok with the fact that I look like the natural me while doing so, sans makeup and cute outfits.
2. I need a boyfriend who is ok with the fact that I have a social life that exists separately from him. He is more than welcome to hit the bars with my friends and I sometimes, but not every time. He needs to be confident enough to not have a hissy fit when I go out without him in a sexy dress. He needs to have enough self-assurance to not freak out when he sees a drunk frat guy stumble over to me and lay a slobbery kiss on my cheek. He also needs to be understanding when I’ve had one too many tequila shots and I end up running between his couch and bathroom, saying things I don’t mean in between puking (after all, college is the only time such things are acceptable). I love enjoying an active social life with my friends and I will not give it up. Hence, he needs to be equally independent.
3. I need a boyfriend that has a passion. I’m passionate about many things in my life, and I have goals that I actively work towards each day. I am not ok with dating someone whose biggest goal most days is to beat his online friends in Call of Duty. I love being able to lounge around and do nothing with my guy, but if that’s all you ever want to do, then we’ve got a problem.
4. I need a boyfriend that will put in an equal effort. If I cook you dinner, give you a massage whenever you ask for one, go see violent action movies with you, and help you with your homework, you sure as hell better reciprocate. You better take me out to dinner occasionally, meet me outside of class to ask me how my test went, and make a big deal for my birthday. Equality: that’s all I’m asking for here.
5. I need a boyfriend that can appear acceptable to my parents for at least an hour long dinner. Listen, I’m not asking him to be Mr. Bravado with an extra side of suave-ness that will leave my parents dumbfounded about how I ever found such an intelligent, mature, charming man. Of course that’s not what I’m asking for. I’m asking him to be himself. But, I’m asking him to shave and put on an un-stained shirt before dinner. I’m asking him to shake both of their hands and look my father in the eye. I’m asking him to at least act interested in the conversation. What I do not need is my parents dropping subtle hints for the next six months that I could do better.
6. I need a boyfriend that will stop all the bullshitting. If I’m dating you, there is no need to play games: obviously I already like you and care about you. There is no need to get jealous and try to dictate what guys I can be friends with. If at the end of the day I’m coming home to you, what does it matter? Most importantly, there is no need to start fights over the little things. A relationship full of drama is not fun for the people in it or the people who have the unfortunate opportunity of watching the fights play out.
That’s all I ask for. I don’t want the dreamy, fairytale Prince Charming that we girls are conditioned to grow up searching for. All I want is a guy that can deal with a few simple rules. Is that too much to ask for?
The Single Issue 